I might have been wrong, but why do i keep thinking im right? I dont wanna be right this time, please let me be wrong.
Prove me wrong.
Tell me im wrong.
I hate this ...
You know how silly i am when..
i obviously know the truth but yet try to pretend i am that stupid and dumb.
i am still trying to believe and trust.
i couldnt stop thinking of everything that relates to you, be it memories or pictures, texts or emails.
i am still finding excuses for your lies.
And being silly, i actually gave you another chance, to forgive and forget, gave you another chance so you can lie to me, and hurt me all over again. I am so silly, aint i ?
And the silliest? I am so willing. My old self would probably killed myself. I think Adeline wants to kill me too. If i have told Eunice all that happened, i think she will wanna kill me as well. Probably Tess would wanna kill me too. I so ought to be dead right now.
I hope he's you ..
Well anyway, go to hell, Josef Fritzl.
I made a mistake. I did something wrong. I did something my girlfriends knew i would never, but i did it and i still cant get over the fact that i made this mistake.
I found out something from Zm yesterday, their perception of me back in Secondary School. I didnt use to care what people bitched about me, because i know its not true. My girlfriends know they are not true, me myself know its not true and its enough. But somehow, i still got a little affected because if i didnt portray myself like that, why would people say such things about me?
Never judge a book by its cover. Hmm...i probably need to do some self-reflections as well.
For the last time, i am not a wild child, im not someone who can play along. If your intentions to get near me was because you think the same way as all the others, i beg you to be so kind and do me a great favour by taking a step back and leave me alone already.
Ive been showing too much of my vulnerable moments lately, revealing too much truths about myself, my weak self. I think its time i stop. Its time i let everyone know i am that strong person that nobody can bring down. That ice queen Amby that initimidates, that nobody can get close to.
Because i was weak, i let my guard down only to let you come in to destroy it. Im rebuilding my barrier, my defence and im not gonna let anyone in my comfort zone anymore. Im not gonna be caught off guard and let people like you destroy me, ever again.
Im that barbecued marshmellow, that happy bunny.
I made a mistake, and i cant get over it. Lesson learnt, but through the hard way. Maybe, looking on the bright side, like what Zm said..at least my suicidal thoughts ceased.
Zm.. i hope you're gonna be happy from now..if you ever dare to put me off your priority list, i will burn your car. (i know where you stay although its damn far hahahhaha)
Amby.. take a deep long breath and continue your journey. Be the Amby everyone used to know, not the Amby everyone gets worried about.
14th of March ... doesnt signify anything anymore.
I wish i could tell you imu but its just gonna make myself look and sound so stupid..im just right here.. right here waiting for your return..
My life is in the dumps, again. Yes, i know i know, its like..since when its not, isnt it? Honestly, im quite tired of repeating myself that i am forever in a very depressed state. But hey, this means i will cherish every happy occasions and not take it for granted. Doesnt sound that bad after all hmm?
For some reasons, my head is always filled with questions with no answers. Im actually quite sick of meeting the wrong guy all the time. Must have been something i did in the past, karma is eating into me. uh huh.. what goes around comes around .. But i think i had enough karma and it should probably just stop already..
You know, i have absolutely no idea what God is trying to do or tell me. No offence, but...seriously what the fuck?!
For two consecutive days, 2 men i knew since a few years back but hardly contact, out of the blue, very randomly told me they used to like me and wanted to go after me. I was of course, taken back, because i never knew that they were ever interested in me? In the first place, we hardly contact and we hardly ever met.
And i dont know why the sudden "confession", coincidentally or not, but extremely random because one of them is attached and the other, is getting married!
Is God trying to say something here? Or do something? Like..what the hell does he want from me? Havent i gotten enough shit already?!
Almost married man : "I would have gone after you when i met you"
Me: "You might have save me from meeting those things they call jerks"
No seriously, what's the purpose of telling me things like that? Would it even change anything?
Enough of men who are getting married, enough of men who are already attached. Enough of crap like these, why dont everyone and everything just leave me alone and stop giving me problems already.
Maybe, i am the problem myself.
My life is like a maze, and ive been going the wrong way all the time.
I thought its just gonna get better but you just made it worst. Just when i thought everything's gonna be ok, you just put an end to it.
Thanks..but no thanks for trying.
When the future starts to drift and become bleak, the past returns and haunt you like before.
My world is crashing down but i am so gonna pretend i am ok.
Pretending will be my new forte.
I caught the movie at Perth with 4 men. Shane said they were forced to watch a chic flick. I beg to differ. The movie wasnt awesome, but it did manage to bring across some messages.
"Maybe the happy ending is just..moving on (:"
I just finished reading the book given by the 4 men shortly after the movie. My thoughts? Perplexed. I kinda wish i didnt watch the movie, nor read the book. At least this way, i think i could still come up with many reasons and excuses for men who i thought but were actually not into me.
Its so hard to face the truth sometimes, and wouldnt it be better or easier if we never knew such cruel truths about what men actually feel and think from their words and actions? At least when i try to think of excuses for them, i feel hopeful. But now that i know the painful truth of men, i cant even hope.
Then again, im glad i finally realised, he wasnt that into me after all. How dumb was i when he had made it so obvious right from the start and yet i didnt realise he just wasnt that into me.
And the worst thing of all? I never learnt from mistakes i made. Silly aint i ?
He really wasnt that into me and i should just walk away. Does it really have to be this way? Yes! Cos the book says so.
I've never met a guy who feels like a male version of myself but so what? He's just not that into me, after all.
Move on ..
* yours truly.
amber.ruoxuan\\twenty\
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20051987\\single\\operations analyst @ credit suisse\\friendster*
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